I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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