i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
