Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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