Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize