he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I've blown a few things in my day
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
