I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
