She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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