oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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