oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
