It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
