Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize