I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
