We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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