someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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