her vagine was all disorganized.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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