dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
