I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
