Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
