What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
