just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
this beer tastes like vomit already
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
