Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
