Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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