why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I FOUND THE LEGS
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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