Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
