Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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