i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
