so that wasnt chicken after all
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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