someone get that fucking seahorse.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
