He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
