The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
