Me. At least after what I've been through.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
