Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
