Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Randomize
