I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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