Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Randomize
