I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
