Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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