We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
