Are we in a gay sports bar?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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