I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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