Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize