If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
