My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
