Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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