Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
