My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
