So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
