I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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