yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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