Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
