Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
