According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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