don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
