he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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