Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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