mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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