I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
