I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
