I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Randomize