You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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