chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
