yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
