I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Don't make out with my wife yet
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
