he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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