I'm going to jail i love you
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize