my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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