you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
