When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Found the puke drawer
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize