I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I need to align my fucking chakras
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
