And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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