he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
