Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Randomize
