Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
