I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
