So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
