I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
