we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
