new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
