Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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