I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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