See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
