Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
