dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
