I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
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