we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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