i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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