You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
