Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize