Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
