what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
