its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
