Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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