My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize