I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
