dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
