Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
