I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
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