i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
soo... how was my night?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
