Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
