P.S. I can't hear my feet
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
