I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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