My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
